Wigan woes

This was a pretty bad day all round. I'd been really looking forward to the game - a rare Saturday 3 o'clock kick-off, with an early arrival in the Toon and a good session. Well that was the theory anyway. Reality set in when I arrived at Leeds station to find that there were delays and cancellation all over the place. It seemed to be down to a combination of 'vandalism' (someone had pinched a load of cable) and equipment problems. For myself it meant that the 5 past 10 train wasn't expected until 25 past. That went back to 10.34, then 10.42. At this point I decided that I'd better get myself a can for the train if I wasn't going to be getting to Spoons until well after 12. Five minutes later, accompanied by said can, I checked the board to see what the latest ETA for my train was, only to see no sign of it. My first thought was that it had somehow caught up 10 minutes and been and gone while I was away can hunting, but I soon decided that couldn't have been the case. Subsequent enquiries revealed that the train had been cancelled! Very strange, and, in any case, why couldn't they have shown that info on the departures board? Much later I found out that what they meant by 'cancelled' was that they'd been having technical problems with the train, and so at some point they'd taken it out of service and put all the passengers on the train behind. If I hadn't have been on a cheapie advance ticket my strategy at this point would have been to jump on the first train to York. Or at least it would have been if there'd been any train to jump on; from when I arrived at the station at 5 to 10 the first train of any sort to York didn't leave until about 5 to 11 because of all the problems. As it happens I had to wait for the 5 past 11 because of my ticket. This was of course the train which loads of other YMs were catching. When it pulled in, more or less on time surprisingly, it was pretty chocka. And it was even fuller by the time it left Leeds. The outcome of this was that for most people it was standing room only all the way up. As if things weren't bad enough already, the train crawled all the way to York and then sat outside for 5 minutes outside the station waiting for a platform. As a result it was nearly one o'clock by the time we finally made it to the Toon. Not quite the start to the day that I'd had in mind.

 As for the match, we nearly scraped a win that we didn't really deserve. I'd certainly say that Wigan didn't deserve to lose. They played well throughout, and even the really bad piece of refereeing that reduced them to 10 men didn't knock them out their stride. I fully expected them to shut up shop at that point, but they didn't, and in fact very nearly scored a second long before we eventually got ourselves back in the game. Despite Owen's glaring miss I'd say that he showed enough to get a start next game. I can't somehow see us playing with three strikers at Stamford Bridge though. A tricky one for the manager!

 The trains back to Leeds were as bad as the trains up had been. The 17.38, which most people had gone for, pulled out an hour and a bit after it should have; any later and Tom would have been late for his gig in Guiseley. My train, the 18.41, was only about 10 minutes late. Of course it managed to lose more time on the journey. A bad end to a bad day.
   

 Bad day at the office
There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that we would have come back from Craven Cottage with at least a point if we'd have set out to try to win the game. Instead it was like the bad old days of Big Sam - playing a team who are in the bottom three and who struggle to score goals, and setting out not to lose. That approach almost made some sense back in the dim and distant days of two points for a win, but in the three points for a win era it's a no-brainer for me that you should always aim to get maximum points, and settle for one if that's what you end up with.

 Having basically blamed the defeat on our tactics, I have to concede that we probably wouldn't have lost if Stevie Taylor had been playing. Presumably he was missing because of illness or injury - bloody Sod's Law just when the defence was starting to look much more solid. And just when I thought our luck was finally starting to change and we get away with Shola being offside for the equaliser, Andy Johnson doesn't get pulled up for a blatant push on Cacapa a second before he gets tripped by Collocini for the penalty. Grrrrrr!

 Anyway, just as the Villa win didn't suddenly make us a great team, dropping back into the bottom three after Fulham shouldn't mean all doom and gloom. We are after all only two points off the top half of the table. And on top of that, there are a few clubs around us in the table who are having pretty horrendous runs at the moment, amongst them Citeh, West Ham, and our old friends Sunlun of course.
  

 Thanks Joe
Let's face it, a lot of us were to say the least underwhelmed when JFK was appointed. And fans of other clubs made it clear that they thought it was hilarious. However, he's so far proved a lot of people wrong and done a great job of turning things around. The measure of how well he's done is that people have on the whole stopped talking about KK coming back as being a must . Ok, Joe's been helped by players returning from injury and suspension, but he's also got the team looking like a unit for the first time in absolutely ages. Added to that he's unearthed three players I didn't know we had. I mentioned two of these after the West Brom game, but I'm going to give them another bigger mention now! Firstly there's Shola. I have to confess I'd long ago given up on him, but now all of a sudden he's looking like the player he suggested he could be when he first broke into the first team all those years ago; from being clueless in the air he's now winning loads, plus he's rediscovered his dribbling skills. And he looks fired up! Then there's Duff. He had shown signs of improvement earlier in the season, but the last few games he's really starting to look an asset. There still needs to be more end product, but he's always available as as an outlet, and he's a real handful for the opposing defence. Last and not least is Enrique. Some of his distribution was still very wayward, but against Villa he had for me easily his best game defensively for the Toon. For far too long we've chopped and changed the team for no apparent reason. The last few games we've made minimal changes and we're starting to see the benefit, particularly at the back; Taylor's looking much more solid, and Collocini's redisplaying his early season form. As a result Villa didn't cause us anything like the problems I thought they might. They had a couple of great chances in the first half (as did we), but never got going after half-time. I thought our first goal would stir them into action, but if anything it was us that got better.
Despite the league table having a much better look about it after the Villa game, we shouldn't get carried away; we're still only a point off the relegation zone, we've played one more home game than away game, and we've had a pretty decent run of fixtures since the Arsenal game. Having said that, we've got a few more winnable games coming up. Get two or three more wins from them and we can start looking upwards instead of downwards.
Changing the subject completely, I've fixed a couple of things with the site in the last day or two. Firstly, I only realised very recently that the 'Videos' menu link hasn't been working for the last few months; it's ok again now though. Also, I'd been aware for some time that the search function wasn't working properly; this wasn't down to me, but to some change that Google had made. Well I've done a bit of digging today and found a new improved site search facility that Google provide, and so the search now works better than ever! You should therefore have no problem finding that feature from years ago about JT's Countdown appearance, or that Pud article about Wheely's stay at Wilson Towers.
   

 Toon 2  Baggies 1
If ever there was a game of two halves this was it. We started off like a house on fire, and continued to play some really good stuff and to create chances until the break. When half-time came I'm sure I wasn't alone in thinking that we just had to keep doing the same things in the second half and we'd end up with an easy win. What happened during the break I'm not sure. Perhaps Joe decided to try to keep it tight in the second half, or perhaps the players had too much time to think about how important the result was and suddenly got all nervous. Whatever it was, we just never got going in the second half. I don't think the substitutions helped either - replacing Jonas with Geremi was only ever going to give West Brom a lift, as was taking off an attacking player who's a real handful (Oba). Anyway, we just about managed to hold out, not helped by the ref's creative timekeeping (4 minutes added time????).
The result took us out of the bottom 3, although we'll probably be back down there after Wednesday's matches. I'm confident though that it won't be long before we're well clear of the drop zone. In fact, we would probably never have been down there in the first place if we'd have had anything like a full strength squad available throughout. Now that players are coming back we suddenly look to have more than enough quality. On top of that we've 'gained' a couple of decent players in Duff and Ameobi. Will someone please explain the offside rule to Shola though?!!
  

 A black day in the Toon's history
Firstly, apologies for the lack of updates recently. This is mainly because a few weeks back I decided, probably stupidly in hindsight, to rip out and replace the shower in my en-suite. Never having attempted anything like it before in my life, this little project is currently totally dominating my existence.
I took a day off from DIY to go to the Mackem match. I had at one point intended giving the game a miss for various reasons. I never enjoy derby games, although I've obviously often enjoyed the result in recent years. I decided in the end to go when I realised it's our only Saturday game in about two months, even if it was a stupid early kick-off. The day didn't start well for most of us travelling up to the Toon by train. Myself and the Hutchings were on the 08.12 train out of Leeds. It was running late though, which meant that we missed our connection at York. However, it was no big deal because there was a train just behind it, which Tom happened to be on, which we were able to jump on. Fringo wasn't as fortunate. His train from Bradford to Leeds was seriously delayed due to a cow on the track in Thackley tunnel! This resulted in his whole journey being screwed up.
Spoons was once again packed out with all the thugs and wannabe thugs who were getting the train over to mackemland. It quietened down nicely though once they'd all left, and those of us catching the Metro over were able to enjoy another couple of pints before we had to set off. The Metro again proved the best way of getting over there, although there was a heavy police presence for the first time. Getting back after the game was a bit hit and miss. Most of our lot joined the escort back to St Peter's Metro station. Apparently it was like a war zone as the police attempted to clear a way through the home fans. Meanwhile I made my way back to the Stadium of Light station and was enjoying a pint in Spoons while the others were still dodging missiles!
Realistically we had to lose at Sunderland sometime, but I've been absolutely dreading it actually happening. But now that it has happened I'm relieved in a way. They've obviously been under more and more pressure every year to beat us, but at the same time we've been under increasing pressure to keep our run going. That's all finished now though, and in future we can concentrate on beating them rather than on not losing!
  

 Things can only get better?
On a day when we might well have ended up bottom of the league it was very welcome to see us actually move up a place. In theory it seemed the ideal time to be facing Everton, with them having lost all three previous home games this season and having been knocked out of the UEFA Cup in midweek. I didn't really see it that way though. Certainly I didn't think that their defeat against Standard Liege meant an awful lot. In fact I'm still trying to get my head around how they ended up playing such a good team in the first round rather than a load of part-timers from Finland or Cyprus. Well yes I know it's all down to UEFA coefficients, and clearly Belgian sides must have been absolutely pants in Europe over the last 5 seasons, and Liege haven't played at all, but Everton can still consider themselves extremely unlucky.
Anyway, back to the game. We really must stop giving away soft goals and giving the opposition a couple of goals start. I was watching the game on a feed on my PC and I had a frustrating first half. Apart from the two goals conceded, the feed kept dropping out. This possibly wasn't a bad thing because in the bits that I saw we didn't look good most of the time. Then they bizarrely cut to adverts after 44 and a half minutes. I spent half-time trying to pick up a better feed, but couldn't find one. The second half kicked off, I was dead pleased to see Duff score, and even more pleased to discover that it was the equaliser! The feed worked perfectly throughout the second half, during which we were much the better side. I expected them to cut to adverts before the game finished, but it didn't happen. I also expected Everton to score a trademark late winner, and that didn't happen either!
I saw a few things in the game to give me reason for optimism. The first was Duff looking good for the second game in a row. Also, having Guthrie back seemed to make a big difference to our midfield. Taylor getting forward from right back gave us something that we haven't had for a few games, and which we can expect to see more of once Beye returns.
  

 Things can only get better?
It was a case of deja vu with the Blackburn game - poor defending, a lack of creativity, no-one looking like scoring other than Owen. To make matters worse our most creative player on the day (Charlie) picked up a knock which may or may not force him to miss the next game. Just about the only bright spot was Duff in the second half looking something like the player he used to be at Blackburn.
Poor as we've been the last few games, it's a fact that we've been right out of luck; two offside goals, a wicked deflection, a penalty that wasn't, plus a stone wall penalty not awarded is a bit much in only 3 games. I'm looking forward to when it starts to even itself out!
What difference will Joe Kinnear make? No idea. But surely things can't get any worse. Can they? It would help if we had a few more players available. Guthrie should by my reckoning be back for the Everton game, but we need more than him. I suspect though that a few players don't want to come back the just now and are spinning out their injuries.
 

 The last straw
No I'm not talking about the Spurs performance and result, disappointing to say the least as they were, but the rumours that Venables might be appointed as caretaker manager. I'm tempted not to give the rumours too much credence considering that he's been linked to just about every vacant manager position in the country for the last 27 years, including a few at the Toon. However, you can just see it happening. It would be Ashley's way of getting back at the fans for the 'Cockney mafia' stuff. Let's face it, if as it appears being a Cockney geezer is the main requirement for getting a job with Ashley, then Venables is the epitome of it.
It's incredible how we've gone from being a confident team playing good football to a the current mess between the second and third rounds of the League Cup. It obviously doesn't help that we've got a load of players unavailable, but the transformation just confirms that football is largely about confidence. Look at Coloccini. He looked so good the first couple of games, now he's all over the place. I'm really hoping it's just a blip, otherwise he'll be the latest in a long line of centre backs who we've paid a lot of money for but who have turned out to be crap - specifically Bramble, Boumsong, Cacapa and Rozenhal. Clearly the sooner that we get things sorted out at the club the better. Just as long as Terry Venables isn't involved anywhere along the line.
 

 Too little, too late
I've only been watching football for 40 years and obviously have a lot to learn about the game. For instance, I would have said that starting with a midfield of Cacapa, Butt, Geremi and Duff was a recipe for disaster, and would have given Gonzales a start after his bright display coming on as sub last week. Fortunately though Chris Hughton clearly knows a lot more about the game than me. And it certainly paid off, didn't it! Ok we didn't get the breaks at West Ham - their first goal relied on a massive deflection and their third was offside (the initial ball down the right), while we had a couple of decent penalty shouts ignored. However, we just didn't play well enough overall to get anything out of the game. Coloccini had a shocking first half, but improved massively second half. Cisco had a much better game than last week, but with little end product.
At least the Toon fans were on fine form at Upton Park, giving good support throughout. A few left as soon as the third goal went in, but that seemed to galvanise those who stayed into upping the noise level. That seemed to be picked up by the players, and our best spell of the game ensued, culminating in Owen's well-taken goal. If we'd have managed to score a second then West Ham could well have folded, but it wasn't to be.
Here's a brain teaser. How did Tom and Jude get away with not only travelling back on a different train to that which they had tickets for, but also sitting in First Class the entire journey?
 

 Another fine mess
No doubt there'll be a lot of people celebrating the news that MA has decided to sell up. Well I'm not. While I hold him largely responsible for the events of the last couple of weeks, he's done a lot of good things over the last year or so. I honestly think that he has throughout done what he believed to be in the best long-term interests of the club. And apart from obviously paying off a stack of the club's debt, we've seen loads of welcome initiatives under his ownership:
- the introduction of the singing section
- the 'friends and family' facility for away tickets
- on-line ticket sales
- more imaginative ticket pricing
- free beer!
He's made mistakes though. Appointing KK was one. Not communicating his financial strategy to the fans was probably a bigger one. If he'd explained a few weeks back that he was only committed to subsidising the club to the tune of 20 million a year then I'm sure people's transfer expectations would have been very different, and sympathy for KK (Beckham, Lampard, et alia!!!) in much shorter supply.
So where do we go from here? The numpties you see on Sky Sports News will no doubt assume we'll have a new owner tomorrow, Keegan will come back the next day, and we'll all live happily ever after. Meanwhile back in the real world we're looking for someone with quarter of a billion pounds to spare and who doesn't mind getting a load of abuse into the bargain. That narrows it down a bit. And then if they're not prepared to write off more than 20 million a year we're financially in a worse position than we are now. And what about a manager? No-one who's half-decent and in their right mind will come in at the moment knowing that a new owner might replace them with their own choice.
Never a dull moment following the Toon.
 

 Carry On Cocking Up
I received an email this morning (no doubt I wasn't the only one) saying "Newcastle United have renamed their ground 'Sid James Park'...  Because of all the carry on!  Boom boom." It's right though, isn't it. I can't believe Mike Ashley's allowed things to reach this stage. He's sacked one manager after a few months, appointed the dream ticket as his replacement, and then put in place a structure which constrained him in a way which he was never going to accept. Like everyone else I was concerned (not to mention bewildered) when Wise arrived at the club. Still, I consoled myself with the fact that the impending appointment (if not the actual appointee) was supposedly made aware to Keegan before he took the job, so he must have been reasonably ok with the situation. And my understanding was that as far as transfers were concerned Keegan would say what sort of player he wanted, then Wise would do all the donkey work of watching players and working out who was available, but it was Keegan who had the final say. This made some sense to me - football's changed and it's unrealistic nowadays to expect one person to do everything. But it seems that Keegan ultimately had little or no say in who we bought or sold. It might be how it works in other countries, but it's not how it works here! And the problem we've got now is that there's hardly anyone out there who's any good who will be prepared to take over from KK. Shearer's the only appointment that could possibly placate the fans, but he's another one who would insist on being allowed to manage on his terms. The alternative is to bring in a foreign manager coach (Spanish no doubt) who will be happy to work within a continental-type set-up. But that's hardly going to appease the masses.
What a shambles.
  

 Gooners 3  Toon 0
... and we were lucky to get nil! When you come up against Arsenal on a day when they're on form the last thing you need on the rare occasion you get possession is surrendering it cheaply. But that's exactly what happened on countless occasions, especially in the early stages. The game wasn't 2 minutes old when I shouted "F**k off Shola!" at the telly (one of the good things about watching games on the box is that it's ok to slag off our players) when he stumbled over the ball and gifted possession to Arsenal. He wasn't the only one mind. It's not so bad when a player's under severe pressure or is trying a difficult pass, but failing to complete a simple 10 yard pass when under no pressure is inexcusable, not to mention incomprehensible. And what about that time when we won a free-kick not far outside their box and Charlie blasted it into orbit? I couldn't hazard a guess as to what he was trying to do. Although I don't rate Milner that highly, at least you could count on him not giving the ball away cheaply; we could have done with him in this game!
Despite the performance and result, I don't think we should read to much into it. I certainly don't go along with nufc.com. After the Coventry game it was all "feel good factor", now suddenly it's all doom and gloom and we've got no chance of finishing in the top half. Let's look at some facts:
- we're in the middle of the table despite the toughest start of any team in the league
- we've got one more point than most people would have expected at this point
- we've played the first three games with loads of players missing
- we're only 3 points off the top of the table!!
A lot of people are clearly concerned about the size/quality of the squad and the lack of signings. The time to judge though is after the transfer window closes. There are a load of clubs (including Man U) who are in a similar position to ourselves. If we can get another 2 or players of decent quality in then we'll have a reasonable squad. And if we can pick up another one like Spiderman I'll be more than happy. He's one player who can hold his head up after the mauling at the Emirates.
  

 Through - but not by much
I'm not sure just what to make of the Coventry game! At times we played some great stuff, we had millions of shots and corners, and yet we might have lost. At least it was a great game for the masses of Toon fans who made the trip, such a contrast to that game at Wigan a couple of seasons back. And the extra time (courtesy of some extravagant timekeeping by the ref - I was quite happy for him to add a bit on the to original 2 mins stoppage time, but he really should have blown as soon as the throw-in was taken) gave EMO an extra 30 minutes to improve his match fitness. On the subject of Owen, despite him scoring the winner I thought our play deteriorated after he came on. Up to that point we'd been very fluid up front and Coventry found it difficult to defend against it, but with Owen on we stuck to a rigid front formation (Milner wide right, Charlie wide left, and Owen in the middle), which was a lot more predictable.
Anyway, it keeps our treble dreams alive (only joking!!), plus the three goals we scored means that four of the people I'm up against in the Predictions competition can't now score points on the League Cup goals bonus question. So all in all not a bad night.
 

 Toon 1  Trotters 0
There can't be many Toon fans who wouldn't have settled for four points from the first two games. It means we can go to The Emirates under little or no pressure. Even if we lose we'll still be in the middle of the table having got two bogey games out of the way. Mind, we should be going there fancying ourselves to get at least a draw the way Arsenal have started.
There's a p!ss-take about Bolton in the new Mag. One of the things it says is that Jaaskelainen would be time-wasting during the warm-up. P!ss-take or no p!ss-take, that's pretty much how it was. Even when in the second half Bolton looked the more likely winners, they just couldn't not play for 0-0. So it was doubly pleasing to beat them. We'll never know for certain, but I just couldn't see us coming back if Nolan had stuck away their penalty. And I have to confess that I was resigned to us going behind because let's face it Shay's penalty record is absolute pants. But save it he did, and then our subs made the most of it by combining for the winner. It's mystifying that Geremi can put in those fantastic diagonal crosses, yet he can't take a corner to save his life!
Our Paul isn't at all impressed with the new location of the away section because it's closer to where he is. I'm very happy with it though - I can't see them or hear them from where I am! Having said that, I don't think I would have heard the Bolton fans if they'd been in the row behind me with such a pathetic turn-out. On the subject of turn-outs, the attendance was obviously a major disappointment. However, I think it's just a sign of the times - Man U didn't sell out last week despite having won the league and Champions League last season. As ticket prices (not to mention players' wages) go up and up despite all the extra TV money, and it gets ever easier to watch games in pubs and on the net, it's only natural that fans will get more fickle when it comes to attending matches. My big hope is that gates will drop to a level where they have to significantly cut ticket prices. I'm not holding my breath though.
  

 Just rewards
So the Toon are looking to cut their wage bill? Seems to me that a good place to start would be to get a certain Alan Smith off the payroll as quickly Ok we rode our luck at times, especially in the first half, but no-one can seriously say we didn't deserve a point at Old Trafford (sorry, make that "The Theatre of Dreams"). I put the performance and result down to two things. Firstly, we went there clearly believing that we could get a result, such a contrast from the attitude in recent seasons where it's been a matter of trying to hang out for a 0-0, and failing that keep the score down. But also it was ("He's here, he's there, he's every fcuking where, Spiderman, Spiderman") Gutierrez - what a fantastic league debut he had. I can't remember the last time I saw a Toon player as effective at both ends of the pitch. Another big plus was the quality of the corners - quite a few of them actually caused Man U problems. The only real negative for me was the number of times we gave the ball away in dangerous areas; the chief culprit was Nicky Butt (he was so bad that some people next to me were suggesting he shouldn't be allowed to play against Man U!), but he wasn't the only offender by any means.
  

 Waste of a shirt (cont.)
So the Toon are looking to cut their wage bill? Seems to me that a good place to start would be to get a certain Alan Smith off the payroll as quickly as possible. Against Hertha Berlin the best that you could say about him was that he was anonymous. At least fellow 'striker' Shola did get into the six yard box a couple of times. It's got to be a real concern when your two starting front men haven't scored a goal between them in the last year. Any team would struggle a bit with their three top strikers missing, but most would have something better than Smith and Ameobi to fall back on. Much of the game was like a replay of much of last season - tons of possession, loads of corners, but little creativity or end product. Geremi obviously hasn't been working on his corners since we last saw him.
Positives to come out of the Hertha game? Gutierrez looks like he could be a really good buy. He showed good skill and appetite, and a surprising willingness to cover back. It was a bit worrying that he faded so much after a really bright start though. Hopefully it was just down to a lack of match fitness rather than him becoming disillusioned when he realised that the players around him aren't in his league. Duff look as sharp after he came on as I've seen him since he came to the Toon; at least he managed to work the keeper, even if only just. Guthrie looked steady enough; we already had plenty of steady midfield players though, it's quality attacking midfield players that we're crying out for.
  

 Competition time
It might still be a few weeks to the start of the season proper, but as many of you will know Paul McK has already launched his predictions competition for games up to the end of the year. It's the usual format, the usual entry fee (£5), with a pound from each entry going to Martin House Hospice. You may as well get your entry in sooner rather than later - print off one of the entry forms below, fill it in, stick it in the post to Paul, and you won't have all those reminders from Paul clogging up your inbox.
Word
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Out with a whimper
The performance at Goodison was a major disappointment, if not a total surprise. A few weeks back I thought that the last couple of games could end up as a team desperately needing points (us) up against a couple of teams with nothing to play for (Chelsea and Everton). It's turned out completely the opposite and, as might be expected, it's been the team that's needed a result that's come away with the points on each occasion. Meanwhile some of our players have looked like they've started their summer break a bit early. Even Nicky Butt had a bit of a nightmare against Everton. Meanwhile other players, given yet one more chance to show us what they can do, demonstrated yet again that they've got absolutely nothing to offer us. Step forward Cacapa, Smith and Duff.

 Speaking of players, this is how the Player of the Season voting ended up:
Whitley Beye 8
Stevie Harper 5
Nicky Butt 4
Oba 3
Milner 2
Stevie Taylor 1
EMO 1
Joey Bartoon 1

I voted for Butt, but I can't argue with the choice of Monday, Tuesday, Habib Beye. He's played consistently well all season, despite having to adapt to English football and having to deal with a massive change of culture and climate. So well done Habib. Now we just have to get the trophy back from a certain Mr Shearer...

Waste of a shirt
A couple of weeks back I was convinced that we wouldn't lose against Chelsea. But after the Sunderland and West Ham performances I suddenly wasn't quite as confident! We more than matched them in the first half though, even if in my view we showed them too much respect. "Not to worry", I thought, "Kev will get them really fired up for the second half". And let's face it, we had nowt to lose and could afford to have a real go. And so what happened? We sat way, way too deep and allowed them all the time and space to impose themselves on the game. Poor Oba was at times surrounded by 5 or 6 of their players when hopeful balls were pumped up vaguely in his direction. I'm not sure how much of the difference was down to the introduction of Smith. I'm not even sure why the changed was made. But if it was to give Smith a chance to show what he can offer then he blew it big time and just confirmed what most of us worked out a long time ago, namely that he's got nothing to offer. "Waste of a shirt", as Cookie said later.

 It was a disappointing way to end our home campaign, as much as anything because it would have been great to keep our unbeaten run going to the end of the season. Most of our fans though didn't seem too unhappy afterwards. Bobby Robson would have been bemused, if not totally pissed off, to see the fans' reaction at the end considering what happened when we finished 5th in Bobby's last full season. Fickle lot aren't we! Speaking of fickle, what about that shower from Chelsea? In with a chance of winning the title, yet there were hundreds of empty seats. Obviously because they've won it a couple of times the Chelsea fans are getting blasé about the league now. As you would. Well, actually no. Champions League Final or no Champions League Final, if the boot had been on the other foot tickets would have been like gold dust. And there certainly wouldn't have been any empty seats if it had been Man U or Arsenal playing at SJP in the same circumstances.

End of season dross
The unaccustomed sunshine and high temperatures gave the West Ham game a real an end-of-season feel even before the kick-off. And there was little change after kick-off, especially from the Toon. To be fair, considering that we've come in such a short time from looking as good as down to mid-table mediocrity, beating the Mackems along the way, I think it's fairly understandable that the players have eased off a bit (or completely in the case of Viduka). How we managed to get a draw is a mystery to me. Grabbing a goal before half-time after being so poor up to that point was hard to was believe, but going in level was pretty embarrassing. Not that the Toon fans were complaining though! The second half performance was an improvement, but there was still little end product.

 Most of us travelling down from Leeds were on the 8.05 or 8.15. Cookie Junior though had a lie-in and caught the 5 past 10 because she'd had a few drinks on the Friday night. As if the rest of us hadn't. Anyway, points or signalling or something problems meant that we arrived at Kings Cross a bit later than expected, so we wasted no time heading over to the Duke of Edinburgh. For some reason the pub decided that the commentary to the Chelsea v Man U game had to be about 1000 decibels, so myself, Maggie and Fringo relocated to the beer garden (for 'garden' read 'back yard') where it was fractionally less noisy. The problem with being out there though was that those of us with not much hair ended up with very sore heads the next day. And I'm not talking about hangovers.

 A special mention for Laura when she belatedly arrived at the pub. At one point she disappeared into the ladies. She took her handbag with her, which is obviously not unusual for a female. Strangely though she also took her (nearly empty) glass. When she came back out her glass was mysteriously full again. Gordon would have been proud of her.

 Stevie Round was celebrating big style on the way back because he'd gone for 2-2 in the Predictions. Looking at the table you might wonder why it should be such a big deal when he's still in the bottom third, but the 3 points he scored took him above his lass, and whichever one of them finishes lower has to pay for a meal out.
 



Kick-off approaching

El Fringo in the Duke of
Edinburgh beer garden



Food and drink on the way back


Toon 2  Gypsies, tramps and thieves 0
A crap performance, especially in the second half when we were basically pants. But we won, and that's really all that matters in these games.

Nearly there
The draw at Fratton Park means that three more points will make our place in the Premiership next season mathematically certain. It goes without saying that would be extremely satisfying if those points came from a win against S********d next Sunday. Of course, if the Smoggies beat Bolton on Saturday then we won't need any more points. We'd still want them though!

 It's a reflection of the massive improvement that's occurred in the last month or so that we can go to Portsmouth and boss the game and to be disappointed not to take all three points. Mind, even though we were on top most of the game I was still relieved to hear the final whistle because all the way though the game I was expecting Defoe to pop up with a goal at any moment. And he had his chances! Our performance level slipped a bit from the previous couple of games. Perhaps this was just some of the players easing off a bit now that we're effectively safe. It was still a good all round performance though other than Enrique slicing the ball into touch regularly and Geremi's woeful corners. Geremi actually puts in some decent free-kicks, where he whips the ball in from a diagonal (like for the second goal against Fulham), but his corners are truly shocking. It's hard to believe we haven't got anyone that could do better.
  
 Anyone with a massive amount of time on their hands might want to check out the new links I've put on the Links page. There's some really good reading there!


Toon 3  Reading 0
I can't believe there's ever been a transformation like it - a few weeks ago we were getting hammered every game, now we're strolling to one victory after another. It's quite reminiscent of KK's first spell in charge - a desperate relegation battle, but finishing the season on a high and looking like we should never have been down there in the first place. The big difference this time around is that we're about 6 games ahead. Back to the Reading game, they started off much the better side to be fair. But once we scored the first goal there was only going to be one result. The performance wasn't on a par with the Spurs game, but once again there wasn't a weak link anywhere in the team. All of sudden I no longer think that we need to get rid of half the squad in the summer! I'm even prepared to give Duff another chance - if Keegan can achieve such a transformation in Barton then perhaps he can do something similar with Duff.
 
 Once again we bumped into some 'interesting' characters on the train back; I put it down to Stevie Round Boy's natural tendency to chat to anyone and everyone. One lad tried very hard to persuade us to get off the train at Darlo and go back to his place, where substances and exotic ladies would have been available. He couldn't believe that we didn't want to take him up on the offer. When he proceeded to tell us about his past (like time spent in Strangeways due to football violence!) we wondered if our rejection of his very generous offer might cause things to turn nasty, but fortunately he took it reasonably well. I think the fact that he was almost comatose (as a result of excessive drinking in the Toon to celebrate his brother's 50th) might have had something to do with this. Never a dull moment with Stevie!

King Kev rules again!
Around 10 past 4 on Saturday I was worried as hell that victories by Bolton and Birmingham were going to drag us back into the relegation dogfight. But then came Arsenal's stunning recovery, to be followed by our equally stunning win at White Hart Lane. And just in case the Beeb somehow manage to suggest otherwise with their highlights, I can assure anyone not at the game that our performance really was that good. We absolutely hammered Spurs and could quite easily have won by more. In fact, I'd say it was the best Toon performance for quite a few seasons. I couldn't fault anything at all in the team overall or the players individually other than Geremi's set pieces. Ok, I know he scored from one of them, but I reckon that should go down as an own goal against Robinson. Every other set piece was once again wasted. On the odd occasion that Geremi managed to miss the first defender the ball sailed miles past every player we had in the box.
 
 I put the win down to a number of factors:
- confidence; 4 points in the previous two games had obviously given the players a massive boost; even conceding quite early on didn't seem to knock their belief
- Nicky Butt had a magnificent game
- Joey Barton had easily his best game for the Toon; this meant our midfield was so much more competitive
- having a settled team for a few games (it's not rocket science!)
- the defence look much more solid with Stevie Harper between the posts
- it was the perfect time to be playing Spurs; hopefully the Pompey and Everton players will also be thinking about their summer hols when we come up against them
- Alan Smith not being in the team

At last
What a difference a week can make. Before Birmingham it was looking a good bet that we'd be relegated, but four points from that game and the Fulham game have put us in a really strong position. Considering who Bolton have got left to play, another 3 or 4 points could realistically be all we now need to stay up. Not that I'm thinking in terms of us scrambling our way to 35 or 36 points and surviving by the skin of our teeth. Apart from anything else, I would hate it if we gave the anti-Toon brigade the opportunity to be able to harp on about us staying up with a points total which any other season would have seen us relegated. So we really need to kick on and pick up every point we possibly can between now and the end of the season. It's not unreasonable to think that we could end up with more than 40 points because with a bit of luck Spurs, West Ham, Everton and even Chelsea might well have nothing to play for and/or more important things to worry about by the time we come up against them.
 
 The Fulham game was a real potential banana skin. For a start I was concerned by the apparent consensus of opinion that a decent second half against Birmingham meant that everything was suddenly ok, with the preceding twelve and a half games conveniently forgotten. Then there was Fulham themselves. They hadn't won away for a year and half since they won at, that's right, St James' Park. And the Toon being the Toon you could just us losing to them again. And Fulham certainly set off looking like they fancied their chances, no doubt buoyed by their victory against Everton in their previous game. Even our early goal didn't knock them out of their stride. Fortunately though their good possession play tended to fizzle out when they got within sight of our goal. On another day one of those 30 yarders from Bullard would have ended up nestled in the top corner with Harper helpless to do anything about it, but perhaps our luck's finally started to change because none of his efforts seriously troubled us. At the other end we created a succession of decent chances and should really have had the game sewn up by half-time. As it was we had to wait until late on for the comfort of a two goal cushion. Even then we still couldn't relax because, although Fulham never really threatened in the second half, if they'd managed to pull a goal back we would probably have totally fallen apart.
 
 There seems to be a lot of talk about KK's team selection being influenced in a big way by what certain individuals do in training. Now I can understand a reluctance to pick someone who tosses it off all week ahead of someone who works his bollocks off. Yes, in an ideal world the grafter would be rewarded with a place in the team. But we don't live in an ideal world (otherwise it would be the Mackems not Derby propping up the table with a pathetic number of points) and life's not fair and ultimately what players do on Saturday afternoon has to be the biggest factor in team selection. Let's face it, whose goals are more likely to keep us up, a) Alan Smith's or b) Mark Viduka's? Exactly.

Phew!
At half-time against Birmingham I was convinced we were as good as down. It looked to me that the players we've got couldn't keep us up. There was no-one wanted the ball apart from Oba and one or two others, EMO was totally ineffectual as a captain, and the defence was all over the place. The second half though was a total contrast. While hardly playing like world beaters, we totally dominated the 45 minutes and should really have won. Having said that, I was more than happy to take the point because I always had a sneaky feeling that Birmingham would do to us what we did to them at our place, and that would have killed us psychologically, especially after what happened against Blackburn.
 
 It was good to see Keegan having the bottle to finally drop Duff and Smith. It wasn't good though to see Geremi playing instead. I've always thought that David Batty was one of the most limited players in the history of football, but Geremi makes him look almost good. How many corners did we have in the second half? Six? And every single one of them wasted by Geremi. That's shocking at the best of times, but for a team in our position it's absolutely criminal. And if Geremi was bad, Barton was hardly better. Has any footballer in the history of the game ever given the ball away more in 90 minutes than Barton did against Birmingham? And to think the club are busting a gut to get him available to play. Why didn't we just allow him be locked up until his trial? It would have been doing everyone a favour.
 
 It was a bit of inspired management by KK to take our best player off with 10 minutes or so to go. Not. I'm not surprised Oba was upset. That was our best chance of winning the game down the toilet. Like I always say, football's a simple game. If KK really felt that we needed to make a substitution even though we were well on top at the time, it had to be anyone else that went off.
 
 I'd like to finish with a word for Stevie Harper. I reckon that we would have lost tonight with Shay in goal. Harper though pulled off a couple of crucial saves at vital times, but on top of that he came out and caught some crosses, and just generally looked calm and in control. That's exactly what we're going to need over the next few weeks.

The season starts here
Ok, I knew there was a good chance we wouldn't get anything out of the Liverpool game, but the performance and the manner of the defeat were an embarrassment. Keegan said beforehand that he believed we had a chance of winning. So how did he go about trying to achieve a victory? Pack the midfield to stifle them, and somehow sneak a goal. We've tried those tactics numerous times over the last few seasons against the top four and we've ended up losing comfortably on every single occasion. And sure enough the ploy failed miserably again. It's true that the deadlock was only broken with a fluke goal, but when the ball's bouncing about in our penalty area as much as it was it's only a matter of time before it goes in. The Kevin Keegan of a few years ago would never have sent out a team to play like that, so why does he do it now? Yes, the players he had at his disposal in those days were suited to going forward, but the players we've got now just aren't suited to defending. It's as much the midfield as the defence that's the problem. How many times were Gerrard and Co able to cut straight through into our box virtually unopposed? Where was Nicky Butt? Where was Smith (supposedly doing a man-to-man job on Gerrard)? Someone said on the 606 web site that any team playing Alan Smith in every game deserves to go down, and I can't disagree. Another thing. If you're going to play a lone striker, what's the point in it being Michael Owen if all you're going to do is lump long balls vaguely in his direction. We'd have been better off playing Andy Carrol.
 
 Anyway, we've really got to forget about all that's happened over the last couple of months. We've got 9 games left and we need to take at least 9 or 10 points from them. Most people will be thinking that if we can beat Fulham, Reading and Mackem then we should be ok. While that's true, I don't look at it quite like that. Yes those three would be great games to win, but I don't care where we get the points from as long as we get them. What I would say though is that we can't really afford to lose any of those games, or the Birmingham away game for that matter. I'm not though for a minute saying we should set out with the intention of not losing. We should be aiming to win all those games, but if we have to settle for a draw so be it, and if necessary we have to take a few points out of what logically are our tougher games. Who knows, it's possible though that those 'tougher' games might not be. By the time they come round it could be that the opposition will have nothing to play for.
 
 What's indisputable is that the team needs the fans behind them from now on in. Regardless of what we might think about the owner, Chairman, manager, team selection, tactics or individual players we have to give the team our full support from the first kick to the final whistle. Anything less and we'll have failed in our duty as Toon fans.

Marathon Man
In case anyone's not already aware of it (and just why haven't you been reading the message board?!!), Si Martin's signed up to do a charity run next Sunday (16th); at a time when he'd normally still be crashed out in his bed, he's going to be pounding 3 miles around Gosforth racecourse in aid of Sport Relief. Now 3 miles might not sound very much, but remember that this is Si we're talking about. He's used to getting around by helicopter and it's years since he did any exercise. I mean, have you seen the size of his belly recently. Him running 3 miles is like someone who's fit running a full marathon.
 
 Si's original fundraising target was a modest 20 quid. But he's easily surpassed that figure thanks mainly to some generous Yorkshire Mags. That doesn't stop anyone else from sponsoring though. The easiest way to do it is online here. Alternatively you can just let him know by email, phone, text or whatever how much you want to pledge and he'll stick it down on the old-fashioned sponsor form that he's got.
 
 Good luck on the day Si, and remember not to have more than a dozen pints on the Saturday night. And a curry's definitely not a good idea.

Rough justice
For the second time this season against Blackburn we've played pretty well and ended up with nothing. This was an especially bad game to lose because, as was inevitably going to happen eventually, some of the teams below us won. It was frustrating to see EMO fail to score from a sequence of chances that he would have put away for fun a few years back (usually when playing against us!), but at least we did for once create the sort of chances that he thrives on. It's worrying though that you can't see where else in the team a goal is likely to come from.
 
 Liverpool away isn't the sort of game we need right now. Unlike most people though I don't accept that the result is a foregone conclusion. Obviously current form and our record at Anfield over the years means that Liverpool are likely to end up with three points. But in football the form book occasionally goes out the window. We only have to look back two weeks to see what can happen. No doubt most football 'experts' would have said that Barnsley had absolutely no chance of beating the Scousers. Well apparently the Barnsley players had other ideas, even after going a goal behind. If we battle for every ball and have a bit of overdue luck then who knows what could happen.
 
 Something seems to have gone wrong with Wetherspoons' recruitment process. I was under the impression that you couldn't get a bar staff job with them unless you basically didn't have a clue. But there was a lass behind the bar on Saturday who, not content with serving customers in something like the right order, also managed to serve two people at the same time. No doubt she'll be shown the door before the next home game.

Going down
  
There's no getting away from it, on current form we'll almost certainly get relegated. Ok, Reading are losing every game right now, but we've got to assume that they'll start picking up points before long. We need to scrape together around 10 points to give ourselves a decent chance of staying up, but it's difficult to see where those points are going to come from. And any more hammerings like those we've been having lately and the players' confidence is going to be completely shot. To be fair heads didn't really drop against Man U, but we looked hardly capable of hurting them while it seemed like they could score any time they wanted. It wasn't quite a repeat of the humiliation at Old Trafford though. On that occasion we were lucky that it wasn't double figures. This time the game was fairly even and Man U probably only had about 10 attempts at goal. It's just a pity that five of them went in! About the only positive note for us was that Andy Carroll gave us a bit of much needed presence up front after he came on. No doubt he won't get a look in against Blackburn mind!
 
 Some of us had the misfortune to have to endure the company of some total wankers of Man U fans on the train journey back. Most of their lot got on a late-running Kings Cross train, accompanied by a few police. Some of them though decided to hang back and get on the Leeds train, without an police accompaniment as it happens. To make matters worse they ended up in our carriage. It would be an understatement to say that they weren't exactly magnanimous in victory. In fact a few of them were clearly looking for a fight, a clue being when they started chucking bottles (plastic!) at us in an attempt to goad us. Their plan backfired though because unknown to them there was a Man U fan sat at our table and he was just a little bit unimpressed, and I think he would have quite happily torn the main perpetrator into little pieces. There was an uneasy stand-off for the remainder of the journey to York where the troublemakers fortunately got off to catch a connection to Mancland rather than staying on as far as Leeds. We could of course have taken the easy option of moving to the next carriage, as virtually all the terrified 'normal' passengers did, but we weren't going to give them that satisfaction. Tossers. We discussed amongst ourselves whether or not Toon fans come across the same when travelling to and from games. Obviously we're a bit biased, but we all agreed that there's no comparison. I've seen a few things I've been pretty embarrassed about, but our fans are usually no worse than loud and very drunk.
 
 PS Who's Robert Plant by the way?

GAM£ 39
What do we make of the fairly bizarre announcement that the Premier League are looking at playing some games abroad from a couple of years hence? I can't say this comes as a big surprise to me considering the league and the clubs' infatuation with maximising income, and in some ways I don't have a problem with it. If it's done the way that they're talking about then no-one loses a home game and no-one really gains an advantage through the extra game. But I just find it incredible when the top clubs have complained for years about too many games and fixture congestion that they're now suddenly happy to play an extra game. And let's face it, we're not talking about France or Germany or Italy. At least some of the games will be played at the other end of the planet, which means that the clubs involved will insist on 7 days clear of other games before and after. So that's two weeks added on to the season. Just so that Wigan can play Fulham in front of a couple of hundred disinterested Chinese. Like I said, bizarre.

Toon 1  Smoggies 1
Just in case anyone was in any doubt, the Boro game was further proof that KK is going to have his work cut out to transform us into a half-decent side. While we're unquestionably underperforming, as much as anything due to a lack of confidence, we just don't have anything like the quality we need if we're going to challenge the top 6 or 7. Midfield is the main problem as far as I'm concerned - it doesn't matter who's playing there they don't create enough or give the front two enough support. Having said all that, with a half-decent ref (and linesman) we might have won the game easily - Owen's early goal wrongly disallowed, Boro's equaliser wrongly allowed to stand, and a succession of free-kicks around Boro's box not given. It's not the first time in recent games that we've been on the receiving end of some rubbish officiating. If as they say it all averages out over a season we should be getting plenty of breaks over the coming weeks.
 
 A message for Sky and Setanta - 1.30 is much, much too early to be kicking off on a Sunday. It's even worse when there's a reduced train service due to engineering works. It meant a very early start for those of us who wanted to make sure we'd get up to the Toon in decent time. Leechy took the opportunity to conduct some research into the effect that 5 litres of cider (and pork pies) on a Sunday morning have on the human body.

Arsenal 3  Toon 0  (take 1)
Oh well, another season without a trophy. Not that the defeat at the Emirates was totally unexpected. And it means that we can now concentrate on securing the dozen or so points we need to keep us up. At least we tried in the first half to take the game to Arsenal, and for a time were well on top. But it was scary to see how it all fell apart after half-time, when we couldn't string two passes together. It doesn't help when Nicky Butt does his best Titus Bramble impression and sprays a succession of 70 yard passes straight into the crowd. He wasn't the only one at fault though - Owen again appeared disinterested, and Cacapa again looked out of his depth. The substitutions were very curious - Rozehnal replacing Enrique was hardly adventurous, and then Duff was taken off even though he'd had one of the best games I've seen from him since he signed. Smith also had a decent (for him) game, looking much more comfortable playing up front.
 
 I'd caught the train down to St Pancras from Leeds. It was slow, but it was quite a bit cheaper then the Kings Cross option. It also gave me chance to see the 'Eight Billion Pound Station' first hand. And very impressive it was too! I walked the length of the champagne bar, but didn't feel tempted to call in for one - I was headed for the only slightly less salubrious Dolphin, where I met up with Brendan, Paul, and others. A few swift ones later it was time to head up to the ground. Nothing is ever straight forward for Big Issue when it comes to travel, and so it proved again. He'd topped up his Oyster Card (it's a pre-paid card that you use to travel around London, working out considerably cheaper than pay-as-you-go) with 20 quid during the week, but now he couldn't find it. He was still searching through pockets and bags while we were on the tube up to Arsenal.
 
 I might have had a slow journey down to London, but I made record time coming back. I caught the half 6 from Kings Cross and was in the house at 20 past 9. Pretty good considering the long bus journey out to Yeadon.
 

  
 Money well spent?

  
That sculpture


Paul wisely keeps his hair covered
 


Toon friendly pub


Crossing the bridge to the ground


Canny view


New manager, same old problems
We might have put four past Stoke, but our inability to break down a determined Bolton team was a reminder that we're desperately lacking creativity. The players that were unavailable, with the possible exception of Emre and Barton (when he's not locked up), wouldn't have given us that much more going forward. Even KK is going to have his work cut out transform our current midfield. Whether or not he can find anyone to bring in before the transfer window shuts remains to be seen.
 
 Highlight of the day was the presentation of a clock to the manageress in Spoons to replace the one that disappeared when the pub was refurbed last year. Attempting to stand on a beer glass crate stood on its end to hang the clock on the wall probably wasn't the wisest move the lass has made. Predictably she ended up on her arse (fortunately apparently unhurt), and the clock ended up in bits. Oh well, nice idea.
 
 It's just as well we made good time motoring back down to Leeds with Keith. Big Issue's kebab and farts made it a bit of a journey from hell. I've just about recovered now, but I reckon it'll be 3 or 4 days before the car stops stinking.
 
 PS  I've just remembered - wasn't the ref absolute pants?! Doesn't understand the concept of advantage, doesn't understand what constitutes a bookable offence. Three minutes added time in the second half? With the substitutions and Bolton's play acting and time wasting it should have been at least 5. Not that we would have scored of it had been 25.
 

 
 Mike's new hair style
 

 
Paul prefers the wind tunnel look
 


El Fringo attempts to put the clock back together
 


Plenty of smiling faces- before the game
 


The silly hats


Farting in his sleep


Return of the Messiah
I didn't think for a moment that Keegan would ever make another return to the Toon. I thought he was brave when he first came back as manager considering how successful he'd been as a player. He's really putting his neck on the block by coming back again. Anyone who thinks that his arrival means an instant transformation to free flowing football and loads of goals is deluding themselves. In Keegan's first spell as manager we certainly were very, very good at times. We hit a peak at the start of the 1994/95 season when we hit 35 goals in our first 10 competitive games and literally no-one in Europe wanted to face us. And then of course there was that 5-0. It wasn't always like that under Keegan though, but people only remember the good bits. What can't be denied though is that he's already made a difference - 4-1 against Stoke with 10 men for most of the game just wouldn't have happened otherwise. And apparently a few players, including Duff and Owen, looked much more lively.
 
 What do I think of the appointment? It doesn't make sense! There's been all this talk of taking a long-term view, getting things right from the bottom up, sorting out the academy and youth set-up. Keegan's not your man for that. What he will do though is to give a the club and the fans a massive lift. Everyone knows we can't challenge the top two or three clubs in the Premiership in the short term, but at least we might give them a bit less respect under KK, and we might have a bit of fun along the way. Life certainly won't be dull! And when he does hand over to someone else you can be sure that we'll have a better squad than we have now.
 
 It's fascinated me the last week or so how the papers and numerous web sites have been so full of stuff about what's been going on at the Toon. A lot of it has concentrated on how we think Newcastle are a big club whereas in fact we aren't because we haven't won anything for so long, blah blah blah. So if we're only a small club, how come all these people with no connection whatsoever with the club or area are so obsessed with happenings at the Toon?
 
 PS  Heard yet another refence to H******d on the radio on Wednesday night. If (a bit unlikely I admit) Havant and Waterlooville knock out Liverpool, do you think the BBC will finally forget about that game? I don't think so either.

Total shambles
Yes we should been 1-0 up, and the free kick for the second never was, and the last goal wasn't even close to being over the line, but at the end of the day we were well beaten by a much better side. I've seen us lose plenty of times at Old Trafford, but the latest non-performance takes some beating. And without some poor finishing and desperate clearances it could have been a lot more. The worst part about it is that the players you might hope would lead by example let us down badly:
Michael Owen - as expected got little or no service, but when he had a chance to get us back in the game he fluffed it
Shay Given - been a professional for over a dozen years and yet can't kick a ball
Nicky Butt - constantly gave the ball away when under no pressure
Damien Duff - still hasn't produced a half-decent performance for the Toon and should be chased
Alan Smith - what does he do?
It's clear that whoever comes in as manager must be able to give the players a real lift. While I think our squad is no better than average (who have we got that can change or win a game?), we are still underperforming at the moment. I'm not for one minute suggesting that KK should come back, but we need someone who can instil self-belief in the players the way that he did. Unfortunately managers like that are few and far between. In fact they're virtually non-existent nowadays when coaching qualifications are considered more important than basic football knowledge and man management skills.

Man U hoodoo to be buried - exclusive
The reason for our failure to beat Man U at Old Trafford for 36 years is really obvious to me. It's me. Consider the facts. Our last domestic trophy was won in 1955, I was born in 1956. We couldn't win at Southampton for donkey's years, I decided to give it a miss in 2004 and we won. The last time we won at Man U was 1972 (7 days after Hereford - typical Toon), I started going there in 1973 and the rest is history. I can only remember missing one league game there since that first visit. It's traditionally been one of my favourite trips despite our record in that time. Apart from the fact that it's obviously so easy to get to, not to mention a few good sessions in the Waldorf, it's always been fcuking hilarious winding up the Man U lot. But I have to confess that the long succession of disappointing results and (often, but not always) performances have finally taken their toll, and I'm not going this time. It just seems crazy to fork out best part of 40 quid for a ticket largely to wind up their fans when I can watch it for nowt on Setanta, and so that's what I'm doing. So get your money on the Toon triumphing at our Theatre of Nightmares. I just did - 33/2 at Betfair.
 
 PS  I forgot one. Remember that infamous run of matches in London without a win? What was it, four years and 26 games? Well needless to say I was at virtually every one of those 26 games, but not at the match at Highbury where we finally ended the run.

The final straw
Well the Toon owner/Chairman have ignored my advice and got rid of Big Sam. It seems like the reserve team's defeat against the Mackems was one bad result too many. At least Sam's departure is officially by mutual consent, which should save us a load in compensation, even though it almost certainly wasn't really.
 
 So where do we go from here? Don't ask me! I would like to think that for once we've got someone lined up. Just as long as it's not Venables or a load more that I could mention. I'm actually one of the minority who think that Shearer could be the man for it. The fact that he's got no experience doesn't bother me one bit. Either you've got what it takes or you haven't. And at least he'd be given a chance by the fans, unlike a couple of our recent appointments. Of course it would be a big risk, but so would any appointment. We've had our share of proven managers over the last few years, and they've mostly been pants. Whether or not Shearer would want the job is of course another matter. Probably not at the moment if he's got any sense.
 
 Watch this space.

Time to move on BBC?
The Beeb just can't get Hereford out of their system. Since that horrible day other teams have been subject to similar or greater humiliations - Coventry losing at Sutton, Burnley (then in the old first division) losing AT HOME to non-Wimbledon, Man U held at home twice in recent seasons by non-league teams (although erased from history apparently). Yet it's still the Hereford game that gets dragged up any time they want to talk about cup upsets. I mean, it's 36 years ago now! And still every time we get drawn against a team from a lower division they wet themselves at the thought that we might get beat, and they jump at the chance to show the game. And isn't it fucking great when we spoil their party.
  
 I can't believe the BBC's coverage of the Stoke game. I lie, because I can really. They way they were going on you would have thought we were up against a bunch of part-timers. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't Stoke 4th in the Championship and on a great run, and weren't they at home against a team who are mid-table in the Premiership, on a shit run and short of confidence, and generally pretty crap away from home? For my money Stoke were slight favourites, and I would have settled for a replay beforehand. In the end I thought a draw was a fair result. Stoke huffed and puffed but quite frankly for a team doing as well as they are they didn't offer that much. The first half we were very comfortable and had the only three decent chances. The second half started off pretty much the same. Then Stoke brought on 'The Beast', and for 10 minutes we were all over the place and Stoke could easily have scored a couple. But from then on it was again pretty comfortable. I'm not saying that we were better than Stoke, or even good. It's just that while Stoke could have won, they didn't "deserve to win" as all the so-called experts were saying. And those experts of course include our own Alan Shearer who tries so hard to be politically correct and unbiased when it comes to the Toon that he ends up talking bollocks. Stoke should have had a penalty because the ball happened to hit Stevie Taylor's arm? Like where else do they think his arm should have been? And did they discuss Wilkinson's shove on Carroll right at the end that was more of a penalty?
  
 Here are a few thoughts on some of the players in the team today:
Viduka - quality at times, but overall commitment poor
Enrique - worryingly again looked out of his depth
Duff - when is he going to start to deliver?
Smith - what does he do?
Taylor - great commitment (goes without saying), but also effective
Faye - not as eye-catching as Taylor, but solid as a rock
  
 Going back to the coverage, what summed up the BBC's infatuation with our cup record was Jonathan Pearce's reference to Tony Pulis being Harry Redknapp's assistant at Bournemouth when they "famously" beat us on penalties in 1992. So famous in fact that only our fans and theirs remember it. And the BBC.
  
 PS  The BBC web site has a balanced report on the match. They were obviously watching a different game.

Happy New Year?
As we go into 2008 I can't make my mind up about this season and the state of the club in general. Just when things had been looking up, with the team and the fans pulling in the same direction, the wheels have come off the wagon again. Unlike most people I wasn't too bothered about the Derby game. I've already written off this season and so the dropping of two points was largely irrelevant, and overall it wasn't a bad game to watch compared to some off the dross we've had to endure over the years. But then came Wigan, which was awful. After showing a big improvement with his team selection, tactics and substitutions, Big Sam reverted to early season. I would never condone playing a lone striker in a game like this. Arsenal might do it of course, but that's because they'd have loads of midfield players breaking forward in support. Who did we have in central midfield? Geremi, Smith and Emre, with Geremi bizarrely being the most advanced of the three. So Viduka was basically on his own. But even though the team selection and tactics were pants, it doesn't excuse the individual performances most of which were shocking. And nothing excuses the response from the fans. "We're shit and we're sick of it"??? So much for our fantastic away support, always getting behind the team no matter what. Yeah, it was shit, but hearing that from the fans isn't going to motivate anyone to play better.
  
 I came away from Wigan totally despondent, thinking there's no way that things can carry on as they are. Then I look at the league table and wonder all the fuss is about. We're probably about where we should realistically expect us to be. We simply haven't got the players to be much higher up. If our most creative midfield player hadn't decided he didn't want to play for us any more then we might have been pushing for a UEFA Cup spot, but unfortunately it's West Ham who are benefiting from his class now. So barring an influx of real quality in January I don't see much improvement in the second half of the season, which doesn't look good for Sam considering that a good chunk of our 'support' have already decided they want him out. What's the alternative? Our Paul reckoned we could get Mourinho. Meanwhile back in the real world, it probably depends ultimately on what a certain Mr Shearer's plans are. He's possibly the only person who be given time by the fans. Of course he might turn out to be totally crap as a manager. I can't see it somehow though. I can see a lot of players falling out with him though!
  
 Anyway, I'm always hopeful, so let's hope that 2008 is much better than 2007 was.
  
 PS  Anyone going up by train tomorrow is officially allowed to leave a couple of minutes early if they need to to catch the 21.47 train. (The later service has a bus replacement between Darlo and York in case you hadn't seen it on the Travel page.)


Fulham 0  Toon 1
Hell this was hardly a classic but there were a couple things to take from the game other than the very welcome 3 points: we kept a clean sheet away from home, and we won in London. The overall performance was really disappointing though, especially after starting so well. I knew that we wouldn't last 90 minutes playing as well as we did for the first 5 or 6 minutes, but I couldn't believe how quickly we tailed off. Our biggest problem seemed to be midfield, with Butt and Geremi hardly in the game. I'm convinced that Butt actually went about 45 minutes without touching the ball at one point. It just wasn't the sort of game where you needed two defensive midfield players. We're also really struggling up front. I mean, when was the last time one of our strikers scored in open play? It's quite worrying that we're nearly halfway through the season and we've got someone playing up front (Smith) who not only hasn't scored yet, but who has hardly looked like scoring. At one point yesterday the commentator even said when Milner was looking to play the ball into the box "He had no one to pick out, he only had Alan Smith"! For my money we've got to use Viduka more. I'm not saying he should play every game, but more than 15 minutes now and again would be good. And especially yesterday when he's got such a good scoring record against Fulham. Seeing his name on the team sheet would have had Fulham crapping themselves even before we kicked off.
  
 The team might have run out of steam yesterday, but the same can't be said for the fans. They also started off strongly, no doubt helped by the even longer than normal pre-match drink. But they kept it up for the full 90 minutes which as some achievement considering how poor the game was. And it was all the more surprising considering that there will have been a lot of southern-based Toon fans there which normally dilutes our support. Contrast our fans yesterday with the Liverpool 'fans' at the corresponding game a week earlier. Their lot at Reading were sat throughout the entire game other than to celebrate their goal, and there was about as much life in them as there is in the Platinum Club seats.


YM WAGs prior to the game


Paul rests his eyes


Crisis? What crisis!
Three decent performances in eight days and all the talk of a managerial change has suddenly disappeared. Not that it should ever have been there in the first place of course. It was good to see how the crowd again stayed behind the team after we conceded the early goal. It seems that Joey Barton's well chosen words have really hit home. I can't say I've got much time for him as a person, but he was spot on with most of what he said about our home support. We would almost certainly have lost the Arsenal and Birmingham games with our 'old' crowd. Instead we picked up four points from them and can now start thinking in terms of overhauling the teams above us instead of glancing nervously towards the bottom of the table.
  
 Even though he hasn't been in the team every week since he signed, I've thought that Habib Beye has looked like he could be a real class act. And a few more match-winning interventions like yesterday could see him end up being a cult hero - charging forward in injury time to win a corner, urging the fans to make more noise, and then heading in the winner. Brilliant! And I was dead pleased that loads of people missed his goal. I still don't get why so many people leave so early. Even though I don't like to see it, I can understand it when the game's crap or say when it's a midweek game and someone has a long journey home and wants to get a flyer and so dodges out just before the end. But even on Wednesday against Arsenal with it all to play for there were people near me who left with 10 minutes to go. And as often as not it's people who aren't regulars. They pay a load of money to see a match as a one-off, it's a cracker, and yet they choose to miss a good chunk of what they've forked out all that money for. Bizarre. I can only think they've gone to the match to as some sort of street cred thing rather than because they actually want to see the game.

Back to normality
How refreshing it was at Blackburn to be in a Toon crowd who were there almost universally to give full support to the team apparently no matter what. It probably helped that the performance was a massive improvement on what we'd had to endure in the preceding few games. Who knows what would have happened if we'd conceded an early goal or two, perhaps the fans would have turned on BSA and the team again. However, we actually started the game quite well on this occasion and matched Blackburn in the first half. We had more possession and pressure, but they had the two best chances, both courtesy of dodgy defending. The game moved up a gear in the second half, but the pattern was much the same with us continuing to have the bulk of the possession. Ultimately the game was won by two pieces of brilliant finishing by Bentley, the like of which he might not repeat all season. Oh, and the free-kick for his first shouldn't have been. Anyway, here are a few pluses to take from the game:
- good performances from all the players (other than the instances of dodgy defending in the first half!)
- easily Barton's best game so far
- Smith looking a lot better in a position he's clearly happier playing
- playing further up the field
- positive substitutions
There was a massive turn-out of Yorkshire Mags for this game. Most of us travelled over by train, on the whole arriving nice and early for a big beer session. A small number were an hour behind though - either because they fancied an extra hour in bed (Alan, Tom, Fringe), or because their train down from the Toon was running late and so they missed the connection at York (Brendan, Paul B, and others). Keith and Bryn drove over though; finding themselves 'alone' in the Golden Cup, they journeyed by foot and bus across Blackburn to join us by the station in the Adelphi. By the time they arrived we were well into a marathon game of killer pool; there were about a dozen of us playing, and after a triple 'rollover' there was more than 40 quid in the pot! In the end it was Hamish who kept his nerve and walked away with all our money.
The announcements towards the end of the game that "The train back to Newcastle is at 11 minutes past 6 and it won't wait" were bizarre. For a start, getting to the station for that time was hardly going to be difficult as it's only a half-hour walk back. But secondly, why would anyone suppose that the train would wait?!!! As it happens the only concern anyone had was whether or not we'd be able to actually get on the train. When it finally turned up about 15 minutes late it was as expected only a two carriage job. And there must have been 200 Toon fans waiting on the platform! It was every man for himself, but I just happened to be stood in a good spot and only had to fight my way about 6 feet to a door, and could have even got a seat if I'd have been that bothered. I was one of the lucky ones though. Not so lucky were the people who couldn't physically get through the doors and so had to wait an hour for the next train. The trip back really was a journey from hell, not helped by the fact that we crawled most of the way, and I had to feel sorry for the 'normal' passengers on the train. Steady passed the time doing what he does best, namely trying out his worst chat-up lines. This time it was Danielle and Jolene from the Toon who were on the receiving end. He tried but failed miserably to persuade Danielle to join the lot who were going for a curry in Bradford.
 

 
 Brendan sensibly attired on this occasion
 

 
Not so El Fringo though
 


A vital shot in the marathon killer pool tournament
 


The winning shot
 


A good turn-out in the Adelphi
 


Round Boy gives his vocal chords a work-out
 


One seriously crowded train


Playing spin the bottle with Danielle and Jolene


A very public undressing
Let's make this clear for anyone who didn't see both games. The Liverpool performance was much, much, much worse than Portsmouth. Ok, we may have been up against a better team, but whereas Portsmouth could just about be marked down as a one-off fluke, against Liverpool we were completely humiliated in everything other than the ball actually hitting the back of the net. Just where we go from here I'm not sure. Part of me would be quite happy to see Big Sam depart after some of the team selections, formations, tactics, and performances of recent weeks. Not to mention results. Assuming though that he's not going to walk away, I can't help feeling that we'd be shooting ourselves in the foot by booting him out the door. Of the few top managers available, would any of them in their right mind want to take on a job knowing that they're only going to be given a dozen games before they're judged?
  
On the assumption that Sam's going to be here until at least the end of the season, I reckon he needs to have a big re-think if he's going to have any chance of getting the fans on his side. Here are a few tips in case he's reading:
PR
The fans don't want to hear that we're going to places like Derby and the Mackems with a game plan of not losing. Much better to say that we're going there to get all 3 points, but that we'll settle for a point if we have to.
Keep a settled side
Even if this occasionally means leaving out players he'd like to have in the side. Other clubs can make half a dozen changes from one game to the next and you don't notice any difference. We try it and most of the team look like they've never played football before.
Play players in their natural positions
Anyone with half an ounce of sense would have played Beye at right back against Liverpool and Edgar at centre back.
Don't ever give Alan Smith a game
He might get "stuck in", and he might have had our only decent attempt against Liverpool, BUT HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And finally.....
Football's not a complicated game
Play to your strengths and let the other team worry about how they're going to stop you. Especially when you've got better players than they have.

Embarrassment averted
Like probably most people, I would have settled for 1-1 against the Mackems beforehand. And I certainly would have done at around 2.00 when we were a goal down and not looking like getting back in